Sounds good! I do like what you're working with so far, so best not suggest any of the more extreme varieties an all too large consumption of Internet material seems to have brought me. :) Any kind of expansion-related insertions though, maybe that's just natural progression at some point... looking forward to see where this goes! Totally fine if you stick to aforementioned ones.
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Thanks! I'm still unsure on how "explicit" or extreme I want my work to be. Insertions push it pretty far, pun intended, and I tend to prefer more implying than actual showing when it comes to genitals. We'll just see how things develop further for now. But I do really appreciate your support. With some luck I'll release the voiced version of the dragon transformation soon, I'd be really interested to hear your thoughts on that one.
Hehe, understandable, yupp. Will be fun to follow regardless, and looking forward to that!
Thanks! Just wanted to let you know the Chrysta transformation video is now published, so I'd love to hear what you think about it. It's longer, but the subject matter might be a bit more niche.
On my way now...
Hey, regarding the questions in your review response just now: yes I think some lines of dialog probably didn't have to be there, can go through a bit more thoroughly later on; note which ones I think it'd work as well without, or maybe which could be combined for better effect... feel free to remind me if I forget, last week of October's finna be a bit busy now. ;)
I don't think it's just the length though, do think the style has an impact. In the previous the color of the bubbles blended with the background, whereas here they stand out in the regular black/white style, I did feel like they were smoother overall in the previous too, and didn't notice any particular jumps or odd placements regarding the text, but impressions fade fast, can get more elaborate here too whenever I have some more time...
Either way though not bad, don't mean to seem petty with the critique but somehow it's getting pretty in-depth. :) All details do contribute to that overall impression after all...
Sorry about the late response, this has been a crazy busy month.
I'm pretty curious about the lines that were unnecessary, yeah. I understand not every line contributes to the transformation, but I wrote them hoping they would build up Chrysta as a character and how her attitude changes throughout the transformation (cocky > scared > obedient).
As for the speech bubbles, I definitely might've cut some corners. To tell you the truth, the initial drawing's speech bubbles were drawn in a sort of messy, painterly way (you should be able to see that in my art gallery here) that probably fits better. To make them work with my "method" of letting the text appear, I quickly filled them in with plain white, so maybe that's why it looks like they don't fit?
Anyway, I appreciate you sharing your feedback. Please don't hesitate to let me hear if you have any more thoughts.
Tell me about it. :) October always seems to end up that way, it's like we're all trying to compensate for the potential depressions of the darker season now coming by distracting ourselves all the more with other things, or at least I think maybe I do...
Will give it a more thorough go-through now, let's see, it starts well, but I think the bits that felt a bit unnecessary came around the:
- First horns and now a tail? And why is my ass so huge?! I'm losing ba--
- lance! Damn why is this happening to me
- Must be a curse or something! I don't deserve this, all I wanted was a little bit of
...I do see how it progresses things, plays in on her intention too and gives a secondary meaning to it all, but maybe could've been trimmed a bit? For example:
- A tail? And why is my ass so huge?! I'm losing ba--
- lance! What is happening...
- Is this a curse?! All I wanted was a little...
...something like that maybe? Not that my version's probably perfect either, when you 've already seen this as is it seems a bit hard to re-imagine how it'd be with entirely new dialog too, but looking again it's probably really only that part that seems a bit long, also don't think I'm a fan of the close-up of her eyes, seems like the detail feels lesser when you zoom in too, maybe gives an impression it's more so filler than an entirely new scene. Not sure.
But I really like the style of the speech bubbles after that too! This style: https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/magicwritings/chrysta-s-dragon-transformation-3
...works so bell both in regard to color, and size, and placement. White ones feel more generic, but maybe also a bit messier when there's more text in each box, and of varying size too, it's possible the sketchier style in the originals might've been better, but for example the box with 'Master, Gold...' repeating itself here: https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/magicwritings/chrysta-s-dragon-transformation-2
...also just seems a bit weird to me. Like there's too much clutter. Too much in just one box. Maybe if they were split up, or changed places, it'd give a cleaner impression. Do like a creative approach though - I like the AaaAHH! bubble with the shift in the middle, which feels both creative AND without clutter.
Comparing to the earlier one though, the text placement just felt so perfect, the text simple and easy, transitions in size and everything were all seemless too. For example: https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/magicwritings/using-magic-transforms-deanna-into-a-cow-1
...there's just nothing wrong with that one. With this, for example, right from the start the 'FINALLY! This had better be something good...' is not centered in its bubble. Same with the second. Maybe it gets better and better, but the final one in the first for example: https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/magicwritings/using-magic-transforms-deanna-into-a-cow-4
...there's just no matching that here. :) Custom text that flows in a style similar to the bubble itself. Maybe the best solution would be to draw all letters yourself, but I understand that'd take a lot of time. Still looks very nice for special frames like this one.
Hope that's a bit more helpful in at least how I see this! Might also help to just switch the front with something we're a bit less familiar one. Even a basic one like say Calibri might come across smoother, and more in line with the bubbles. There are a lot of fonts that emulate different styles of handwriting too, which might seem more natural, like they're a part of the art, if you find one that someone seems similar.
Yeah, I can definitely see what you mean with the dialog. I wanted to overdramatize Chrysta's reaction and probably used a few too many words to get it across. Thanks for your suggestions!
I've heard lots of different opinions on the eye zoom; some people really like it and some people really don't. I think people who enjoy the mind control/brain wash stuff enjoy it especially because something so up close and personal is good for conveying a mental change, while people who don't might feel it distracts from the transformation. Either way, if I do another zoom, I should definitely try to add more detail.
Thanks a lot for your insight on the speech bubbles. I really hope to do more creative things with the shape of the bubbles and the text. But I worry about what to do when there's just a lot of dialog. My next sequence, for example, is also a bit of a slow burner with a fair bit of talking - definitely more of a fully fledged comic. Do you think just picking a better font will make that work better? Maybe when I finish the non-animated version and put it in the gallery, you can have a look and give me some points for the animated version?
Anyway, I really do appreciate you taking the time to explain your feedback in more detail. I hope you're looking forward to my next sequence, which will be about Deanna again.
*the font XD
At least I don't think you had a single typo...
Happy to help. :)
Mmm that might be, I do think I'm more about the visuals.
With lots of dialog, I feel like the best way would be to split it up a bit more, either with multiple speech bubbles in the same frame or multiple frames, with one each. Another way would be to have the same image with slight changes occurring along with the speech bubbles, like the eyes moving, mouth opening, etc? Even with the perfect font I feel like speech bubbles generally aren't meant to hold that much text, maybe comics have evolved more and more to have less dialog per frame as we've grown shorter attention-spans, and the more Eastern style of comics has come to the West too, with focus on expression and reaction even with the visuals, whereas it used to be so much more dialog-based. Looking back at comics from the eighties there probably was a lot of dialog sometimes, and that does work but... maybe it's different when it's in motion, like this? Different with still images?
Not sure what it is but either way I feel like splitting longer dialog into multiple bubbles, with different frames or no, would be the best idea IMO... for sure, happy to have a look then!
I am indeed. :)
Yeah, you raise a good point. I wonder if having some *really* basic animations would stop the more dialogue heavy panels from being a drag, then. Motion, as you said, might be the way to solve this, with multiple smaller bubbles. I've been thinking about making the next sequence a bit more comic-y (cel shaded) to allow for some animation, actually.
If you're not following my Twitter yet, that's where most of the WIP stuff goes. If you're interested in following the process. :)
Might be the natural evolution yes. :) Well I don't mean it'd stop the heavy dialog from being a drag, I mean: I don't believe heavy dialog is so heavy if isn't delivered all at once, delivery feels more important than length. Can be long but feel fast-paced too that way. Anyway, looking forward to seeing how the next one turns out; how you decide to do things! Celshading seems interesting too...
Ah well I'm ont much of a Twitter person, focusing my time here, but good to know, might check in some time. :) On the topic of hard shadows: do wonder how the impression would differ there... maybe softer forms/themes go better with soft shadows hmm, IDK! Whatever you decide to experiment with. Always intriguing with different approaches too.
Oh yeah, I think I understand. I'm determined to make the next piece 'flow' better but we'll see how it works out. Regarding cel shading, here's an example of how it looks on Chrysta: https://twitter.com/MagicWritings/status/1311832190632763392/photo/1
I understand if you're not on Twitter much. You'll see the comic appear here when it's done, either way. :) Maybe I'll try something with hard shadows again too, but I do actually think soft shading works well with soft shapes.
Anyway, thanks again for all the time spent on feedback. It's going to be a while before the next sequence gets done, but I hope it'll impress!
Looking forward to it. :) And that cel shading does look but hmm, it's so different somehow... hard to say which one I prefer! Hmm! Thought'd it be easier to determine...
Yeah, makes sense if it would, sounds good. :) Whenever it's done! Looking forward to it!
Hey Cyberdevil! The next big sequence is still under production, but I had one of my short and sweet sequences voiced in the meantime: https://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/774499 I hope you like it.
Thanks. :) I'm a have to shorten my reviews a bit, concurrent Christmas dues and all, but that was great. Thanks for the shout-out; do look forward to whatever's next too!
Suitable brighten-up-day type animation with this one. :) As they all are but: short and sweet!
I understand, I appreciate you taking the time to write a review at all. :D Not a lot of people do. Thank you for the support and I'm very glad you liked it! Hopefully you enjoy the Christmas days in spite of how busy it all is.
Yeaah I hope so, it seems it's always a race against time at the end of the year but eventually it seem like you sort of just give up, let some things go, and do appreciate the days at least a little. :) Seems your hard at work too, hope you get some seasonal respite as well! ;)
Good to know about the VA work too, she definitely did a great job with that too.
Hey CD, thanks again for all your helpful comments and reviews. I managed to finish a very simple animated loop: https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/magicwritings/jenny-s-santa-suit It was a good experiment to hopefully apply in longer, voiced sequences in the future. :) Since I've got my obligatory Christmas piece done I'll probably take it easy now and get some of that seasonal respite. I hope you can get some rest now too!
Seasonal respite sounds like a good idea; sounds like just the right time for it now. :) Thanks for the notification though! Well-wishes too! Quick comment coming right up...
Cyberdevil
Heya MagicWritings, and welcome to the Grounds! All types of people roam around these parts so: most probably. :) Curious if you're planning to try your hand at pretty much everything, or a particular fetish niche?
magicwritings
Hey Cyberdevil, I appreciate you commenting here and on my work as well. :) Thank you.
As for fetishes, my art right now is really focused on expressing my own interests. There are many things I want to try, but it probably won't stray very far from expansion with some transformations and mind alterations on the side. Was there anything you had hoped to see in particular?